I've misplaced my copy of Bill Bryson's new book, A Short History of Nearly Everything.

It was difficult to lose because it is quite large.

List of excuses why I haven't finished my self-assigned Bill Bryson assignment:

1. I can't find the book. I know I left it around here somewhere.
   
2. The first chapter deals with truly cosmic questions, such as how did the universe begin, where does it end, and what is air? I'm still thinking about that one. Don't expect me to get to chapter two any time soon.
   
3. The dog ate my homework. Except we don't have a dog.
   
4. The power failure in New York and Canada distracted me and I had to go fill the kerosene lanterns.
   
5. I couldn't find Gary Coleman's name in the list of candidates for governor. This made me very sad, and distracted me from reading Bill Bryson.
   
6. Maybe I left it on the couch in the living room. I haven't checked there yet.
   
7. It's not there.
   
8. I know -- I'll review the book before I've read it. Won't be the first time.

Except for A Short History of Nearly Everything I think I've read everything Bill Bryson has written, including a charming email he once sent me just before he took off to Australia to research In A Sunburned Country.

I usually find Bryson laugh-out-loud funny. I remember embarrassing myself as Joselyn and I read about his adventures on European trains while we were on a European train. Our stifled snorts caused the passengers, I think they were French but they might have been Belgian, to move many seats farther away from us or stare out the window in order to pretend we weren't really on the train with them.

In A Short History Bryson hasn't forsaken wit but submerged it under a torrent of facts. I'm sure he had a great time researching this book, calling up astrophysicists at all hours and pestering them with philosophical questions.

Bryson writes, "So I decided that I would devote a portion of my life -- three years, as it now turns out -- to reading books and journals and finding saintly, patient experts prepared to answer a lot of outstandingly dumb questions. The idea was to see if it isn't possible to understand and appreciate -- marvel at, enjoy even -- the wonder and accomplishments of science at a level that isn't too technical or demanding but isn't entirely superficial either."

Writing a history of nearly everything allows a lot of leeway in your research. You can go just about anywhere, do just about anything, and if anyone questions why you are climbing under the barbed wire at high-security installations, you have the perfect excuse. Researching my book. Sir.

If you haven't yet encountered this writer don't start here. This is the slow and patient Bryson, the didactic Bryson. You'd have a much happier time reading his earlier and more hysterical books.

Neither Here Nor There is his tale of traveling solo around Europe with old friend Stephen Katz. A Walk in the Woods is about attempting to hike the Appalachian Trail with a much older and more dissipated Stephen Katz.

You could do worse than to read Bill Bryson's first book, the one that made him an expatriate best seller in Britain, Notes From A Small Island.

I wonder if I left it under the newspapers in the kitchen? Under the bed with the dead mice? On the car seat... Maybe... Oh, forget it. The book will turn up sometime and I'll get to read Chapter Two: Welcome to the Solar System.

Aired Monday August 18, 2003 at 8:55 am and Sunday August 24, 2003 at 10:55 am

Orders/Information:

A Short History of Nearly Everything Broadway Books hardcover $27.50. ISBN 0767908171.

In A Sunburned Country Broadway Books paperback $14.95. ISBN 0767903862. The story of Australia.

Neither Here Nor There Avon Books paperback $14. ISBN 0380713802. Europe revisited.

A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail Broadway Books paperback $14.95. ISBN 0767902521. Blisters and beer and candy bars.

Notes From A Small Island Avon Books paperback $14. ISBN 0380727501. England seen through the gimlet eye of an American about to cease living there.