Hello listeners. Today I'd like to welcome you to Molvania, A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry.

If you've never heard of Molvania, or even if it sounds vaguely familiar, I can understand. Molvania is the subject of a new and very funny guide book from JetLag Travel. And it's all completely made up. But it's sort of true, anyway.

Molvania, "the world's largest producer of beetroot and the birthplace of whooping cough" is a place like many others, only much more so. It's a "country steeped in history," we read in the guide, "and everywhere here the past is beautifully preserved, such as in towns like Gyrorik where you'll find one of the oldest nuclear reactors still operating in the world."

It's not nice to make fun of countries like Molvania, but at JetLag Travel, they do. At last it's OK to laugh at bad food, bad teeth and bad travel guides.

You might be wondering where to find Molvania. The staff at JetLag travel note that "Molvania was once described by a visiting writer as being 'at the crossroads of Eastern Europe' and -- despite suspicions by some that he was simply being ironic -- it retains a central place in European history. Geographically, it is a diverse country, its southern regions largely made up of flat boggy marshland and re-claimed swamps, while up in the north and west you'll find vast windswept plains."

Everything described in this travel guide sounds worse than the last thing described. Yet, like real travel books, the Molvania guide retains its positive, optimistic, upbeat and insanely persevering tone under all conditions, no matter how disgusting or life-threatening.

Take, pretty much at random, the descriptions of hotels in, say, that village of Gyrorik. Gyrorik, you will discover, "continued to pioneer modern concepts, becoming the first city in Europe to permit driving on either side of the road."

You might choose to stay overnight at the Hotjl Prozta, "Close to the center of town... popular with business-people and adulterers." At the Jborkle Palatz "... cracks in the front wall afford excellent views out over a nearby park." And "At the top end you can't go past the Rojal Palatz Htjl which, as its name suggests, is built directly opposite a particle board factory."

I suspect, but can't prove, that this JetLag travel guide has something to do with the Rough Guides out of Britain, distributed world-wide by Penguin. Amazingly enough, of all the guides that could and perhaps should be satirized, Molvania most resembles one of those Rough Guides.

On the back cover there are blurbs for "other titles available soon." The description of a forthcoming guide titled Viva San Sombrero, Central America's Forgotten Jewel reads: "From the sun-drenched beaches of Puerto Polluto to the dazzling heights of its bustling capital, Cucaracha City, this former Spanish protectorate has well and truly earned its reputation as the region's least war-ravaged country."

I look forward to guides titled Aloha Takki Tikki Let's Go Bongoswana Getting Around the Tofu Islands Surviving Moustaschistan and Sailing the Syphoilos Straits: "From the oil-drenched capital of Port Halitosis to the swinging bars and nightclubs of Klamydea..."

Even the index is funny. It's all funny.

I hesitated to review Molvania here because it cracks me up, and there's nothing quite as sour as listening to someone snort and chuckle while trying not to laugh. I apologize for everything.

And if all this isn't enough, Molvania is, of course, also located on the World Wide Web. At Molvania.com you can chat with other would-be travelers and discuss subjects as diverse as purchasing Molvanian automobiles or "Why is my Molvanian mobile phone not roaming?" even ask questions of the Molvanian Ministry of Tourism. I suspect all the postings are written by the authors of Molvania. Or maybe not.

Aired Sunday October 10, 2004 at 10:55 am and Monday October 11, 2004 at 8:40 am

NOTES:

Let's give credit (or blame) where it's due: The actual authors of this book are Santo Cilauro, Tom Gleisner, and Rob Sitch. These are not the authors given credit (or blame) at the start of the book (Olga Stryzki: "Born in California, Olga got the taste for travel early when as a young child her parents took her to Europe and left her there.")

Orders/Information:

Molvania: A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry The Overlook Press paperback $13.95. ISBN 1585676795.

Click here to read the BBC's mild take on this book: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3592753.stm

By the way, all the JetLag countries are "forgotten jewels."